Friday, September 15, 2006

a peek into a day in the life of Chad


well just for everyone to know, if anyone reads this anymore its been a while since i've been on my blog. Well i guess i'm what u could lable as a fallen christian these days. i'll try to put in where i'm at i suppose. Well i still love and belive in God and i still pray n think about him and give thanks for the beautiful things and ppl he's surrounded in my life, but i smoke weed n drink, i do go to parties but to socialize, i dont' womenize. I still got love and respect for my sister. i'm just living trying to get some money put away so i can take some kind of youth help course. i wanna work with kids. umm life at home couldn't be easier seems like things have fallen off and i get along better with everyone here and i'm not clashing. they seem to respond to things i say instead of shrugging it all of because they thought i was dumb. Prolly happier now then i have been in a long while so.. I guess im doing something right if its all coming together so whatever i'll just live love and smoke its all good. I'd say that about sums up where i'm at right now :D

Monday, June 26, 2006

Quiet


latly alot is happening in my life new job meeting tons of fellow emploee's all very interesting ppl strangly can't not talk about vulgor things and cuss everyother word.( i'm amused and tired by it at the same time) but well I find when i get to a crowd i don't want to do anything but just be in their presence i don't even wanna talk. Seems to be the same way with God right now. My relationship right now is more of a point and say Daddy look kinda deal and God says beautiful now look at this. I enjoy it and God is just kinda letting me take my first baby steps. the image i get is a father standing behind his son guiding him and holding the sons hands up to give him a lil balance. Think that's how God is. yeah so that's my journey and if u see me you'll probably get a hey how are ya then that's about it:P not cause i don't care or don't like ya i am just really enjoying the quiet times. In the silence is where he is speaking.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006


Me
{You are my friend
weary
will you come near to me?
Stay with me till the end.}

God
{where else will you find me}

Me
{But they told me to be faithful
and when I'm not able;
to fight till the end,
but i'm only human
everyone taking control of me
feels like the worlds got a hold of me
you'll be there for me
and care for me and not turn from me
lead me
help me and feed me
kiss me and free me}

God
{ I will be there}

me
{ save me
heal me and bathe me
sofly you say to me
" I will be there"}

God
{ need me
chase me and seek me
love and sing to me
I will be there}

Sunday, June 11, 2006

What I'm learning slowly



Well lately God's been really trying to teach me to not love on others but myself. Seems easier to bury my lack of trust in myself in God in just loving other people or helping with their situations so I can stay focused on that and not my own. Well I've had time to think with going to my dad's for a weekend and with skipping out on a youth group and I did nothing today. Ha a lot of time to think and search. All that I came up with is that I really don't love myself .00000000000000001 as much as God loves me and well we all know that but there are even area's that I don't love myself that just my friends do. God is really trying to bring out his love in me more by showing me not a positive mind frame but a Warrior outlook and battling with every thought of everything even the thoughts I think of myself. I don't want you all to think that I'm depressed or hate myself I don't want to sound like that if I do. All I am saying is that God is teaching me to love myself more he's trying to get me to grasp really how great I am and have a true revelation of what I am capable of and what gifts he's given me. anyways i'm outti cause its 215 in the morn and i gotta get up at 8 and prolly won't fall asleep for another 30min lol so if i'm a lil grumpy and sleepy tomarrow this might be why :P

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Just talking

Yeah so lately I've been really coming into a new place of just saying shut up. There has been striate up attacks on my mind on various areas in my faith. He has also been using immediate people in my life to attack my mind as well. No one think "is that me?" don't worry about it. But I've really been starting to get so unsatisfied with the intellectual aspect of faith. Wait a minute there isn't an intellectual aspect of it. God is and we can't comprehend him. So shut up the thoughts of trying to figure stuff out. IT HOLDS YOU BACK. I know from experience. It's time to get up wipe of the dirt and crap that got on us from falling into doubt and confusion basically sin. It's time to get back into God's presence and focus on what he's saying and on really what we are here for. We feel like crap and confused and this and the other thing because we have stepped back or out of the weaponless and into the worldly view and tried to make sense of what we do or make sense of why certain things have happened or aren't happening. Well I'm tired of that crap and tired of being baptized in that kind of atmosphere. I choose Christ and everything I drop. I give up on it and take up my cross and lean on Jesus for my intellect, which seems foolish to a lot of people but my brothers and sisters. But I don't really care. Yeah so if you have read this feel free to hold me accountable and if u want I can do the same for you.

Gorge jump


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Fireworks


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Thursday, May 11, 2006

Seems to me everywhere I look people fall into religious and legalistic life styles. They talk about how much Jesus loves them and how he died for them. Then go and try to keep up the law on their own strength, and call it striving for Jesus. Question, in the New Testament does failure to uphold the commandments limit Gods love to us? Tell me, who were the people Jesus rebuked the most? Pharisees. Why Chad? Thanks for asking, because they were the most legalistic people and constantly pointed the finger on others because they weren’t upholding the law. Now I’m all about being held accountable, I’m also all about speaking life and truth into people’s lives. But the moment you speak into someone’s life of what they are doing because you’re just frustrated at yourself because you can’t do it is wrong. Look to the plank in your own eye.

A person trying to keep the laws is impossible; we all know that, but people still try to out of God’s grace. To me that’s why they are in so much condemnation and bondage. They feel like God has abandoned them. When the truth of the matter is he didn’t he’s still there but he’s letting you try to keep the law yourself, thank God for his mercy and patients. Knowing we are condemned is really ripping his heart because he loves to see his children free but knows we need the experience of trying to keep the law to know we can’t do it. We go through the dissatisfaction of failure and not understanding that it’s our fault we feel this way and it’s as simple as saying “ok I can’t do it.” Then God comes in and picks us up and shows us his love and who we are really called to be. He shows us what it really means to have an intimate relationship with him. For me he showed me what it really meant to be a son of God. Now u can’t tell me other wise because it’s not just knowledge it’s my heart. I can’t screw up. I’m not holy I’m not pure, but I am right with God because he has made me that way through the death of Jesus Christ. Now because I’m right with God I am pure and holy. Not because of my actions but because that’s what a child of God is. Now I understand we need to walk out our purity but its starts with the cleansing of us and the grace to do it but I find it really helps to see us as clean always. To always know we are truly pure and holy and saying that gives the enemy no grip on us. It really makes hell a lot harder to grab us and hold us down. I’m not saying we won’t still fall but knowing all this makes it a lot easier for me to get back up and be like “thanks God you truly love me and I’m glad I’m not perfect” (haha keeps the pride off me a lot more).

Now if people don’t fall into the strife of doing something impossible then they go the opposite way. Which is do nothing and say God will work everything out, and keep a hippy view of things. Which is just as annoying God helps those who help themselves. Get off your freaking butt and do something other than think its all good or think that your not good enough and have already tried. Well freaking try again! God can’t use a people who give up after the first or second hard time of keeping God’s word. Don’t give up, when the time comes and you’re at judgment your excuse of “being obedient to you wasn’t accommodating at the time.” Or “I tried once but couldn’t, you seen me attempt then give up.” Then fall into doing nothing but say your name in vain. C’mon people lets get back on track and focus our energy on something that is everlasting. That is the true reality, focus on something that isn’t going to be here one moment and gone the next. Stick to God who is forever. Don’t forget where you really came from.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

The One



[Me]
Broken I fall short of perfection.
So tomorrow I’ll keep your law.
Trying to prove myself to you,
Trying to prove for myself
God you are omnipotent
So you know I’ll never keep your commandments
So God what do you really inquire of me?
[God]
I want you to know you’re the one
That I adore you as my son
All I request is for your hand
For you to crave me as I yearn for you
Follow me, Chase after me as best you can
I’ll lend a hand and softly guide you
What I truly desire, is you near me
Set your gaze on me